There seems to be a disconnect happening in this current incarnation of civilization between what we are being told is available to us as citizens of this fine nation and what is actually available. We are inundated with advertising telling us that all of the products and services of our age will make our lives so much better, but in the end all we are left with is an empty promise and a dent in our pocket books.

Everyone has had that feeling of being let down by false advertising before, probably continually. Here is a hamburger from an ad campaign:

and this is what you actually get:

It should be noted that this hamburger is not even food.

The real story here is not that we are being lied to on a daily basis by corporations with promises of gigantic hamburgers, but that they subverting our actual desires by insisting that we should even want these gigantic hamburgers. The last time I checked, my stomach was not actually capable of holding that amount of food and yet through some form of high tech hypno-chicanery I find myself enthralled by the prospect of not only tackling the Gigantic Lie Hamburger, but finishing off every last bit of burger, pickle, lettuce, bacon, various forms of cheese, tomato, mayo, and ham (I think there is some fried chicken in there too) with room for dessert:

I don’t know if this has crossed the mind of anyone else lately, but I am becoming more and more distressed at the dearth of Opulent Victorian Age dessert options available to me at not just most of the fast food restaurants in America, but ALL of them. Not only do the corporations lie to us about what we are going to get, but they are trying to feed us rubber (which, by the way, is not a digestible form of matter in the average human stomach). And to top it all off they aren’t even providing Victorian age dessert platters.

There is another thing that we, as Americans, have lived with for a long time now and needs to be addressed: The promise of new and exciting technology. Where is my flying car? Where is my robotic vagina? Where are all of the things that we were told we would have in films and books written so long ago detailing all of the various things that would be common in the world like flying cars and robotic vaginas? Blade Runner lied to all of us (the movie takes place in 2019, but come on… am I really going to be able to rent a lifelike robot  Sean Young ho by then?)

The answer to that question is… I hope so! I’ll have to check the paperwork, but that might actually be a loophole that I can exploit in my wedding vows. It wouldn’t be cheating because it is technically a form of masturbation, right? Apparently I am also in the right place for this impending Robosexual revolution.

READ ARTICLE ABOUT ROBOT BOOTY GETTING

I knew there was an upside to moving to Massachusetts. But I digress, the point is this: We don’t have access to Giant Hamburgers and Robotic Sean Young Hos at this very moment, and that is distressing to say the least. I can’t just walk out of my house and eat a sandwich that would burst my innards while frantically copulating with a facsimile of a used up old Hollywood skank and that, my friends, is truly a shame. They promise us things that we don’t even want, use their fancy psychological tricks to get us to want them, and then don’t even follow through with the original promise.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 23rd, 2009 at 6:00 am and is filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.